Unexpected Benefits From an Endurance Mindset
Endurance training is not only a physical challenge but teaches you lessons that can be applied in other areas of life. I recently experienced this, supporting my mom through a tough family event immediately following her supporting me throughout training for my 70.3, and showing up at the race itself. For six months, my mom showed me unwavering support leading up to the race. Shortly after the June race, she was faced with a far tougher challenge: managing the care and logistics of entering her parents into a care facility. The roles reversed and I became her support. The mindset tools I learned from endurance training, such as discipline, focusing on the next step, and controlling what I could, became my guide to helping her through the stress of the situation. The similarities between enduring a race and supporting someone through a hard time revealed meaningful lessons about perseverance, presence, and perspective, and changed how I showed up for her.
My Mom’s Support
In January, I committed to do my first Ironman 70.3. I had six months until the race and knew it would demand a level of dedication and discipline I’d never tapped into before. When I would tell family and friends what I signed up for, reactions ranged from polite encouragement to confusion. Most didn’t understand the race and would pass it off in conversation. My mom, however, was different. Over our regular calls she started asking more questions about my training. She asked questions about workouts, gear, and what race day would be like. Her interest wasn’t passive. It was genuine and I could tell she was excited to learn more each time we spoke.
In May, a month before the race, I signed up for a local Olympic-distance triathlon to get some open water practice in a wetsuit. My mom, who lives four hours away in Chicago, called a few weeks before the Olympic race and proposed visiting that weekend to celebrate Mother’s Day. I said yes and told her about the race I had that Sunday. Her excitement for it caught me off guard. “Can we come watch?”, she asked, and immediately booked a hotel for the overnight trip.
Her enthusiasm came from a regret she’s had since my senior year of high school. I ran cross country that year, instead of football, to stay eligible for National Honor Society. Looking back, it was one of those college resume builders that was a waste of time. I hated cross country. I would redline at every practice, felt out of place, and made no friends. I was embarrassed that I joined and would tell my family not to come to the meets because of it. My mom still feels like she missed out on supporting me. Her excitement for my current triathlon races was her way of making up for lost time.
The tune-up race in May was small, held in a middle-of-nowhere local town, but having my support team there was huge. Being my first open water race, having my mom cheer me on at the swim exit carried me through the rest of day. A month later, she yet again booked a hotel and travelled over an hour to the 70.3 location. Her and my stepdad joined my wife as my support crew for the race. The night before we all got dinner, which I appreciated greatly because just their presence and conversation was enough to keep the nerves at bay. It was one of those small insignificant moments that will forever stick out in memories of that weekend.
During the race, spotting them along different areas of the course was special. I could feel the pride and encouragement beaming from everyone each time we made eye contact. Finally, at the finish line, I felt like I shared the triumph with my crew. I specifically thought of all the support from my mom, the regret she had from missing my races in high school, all the phone calls leading up to this day, and the grueling day she spent in the heat watching me race. (My wife too, obviously, but she will get her own dedicated highlight). I’ll never forget the support my mom provided, and how much it meant to me by simply being there.
The Turnaround: Supporting My Mom
Days after the 70.3, my mom faced her own challenge. Both of her parents, no longer able to take care of themselves, needed to be placed in a care facility. The responsibility fell squarely on her shoulders. Being power of attorney, she was responsible for the endless paperwork involved, the logistics of gathering information, and making heart-wrenching decisions. In addition to that stress, she also had to deal with family drama regarding threats, accusations, and even theft. There was no backup option if she failed. She had to succeed in getting everything straightened out or else her parents’ care was in jeopardy. I could feel the weight of the stress through the phone with each update she would give.
We talked daily through the worst parts of the process. After a few phone calls, I noticed something in my own language that surprised me. I had defaulted to talking to my mom like I was coaching her through an endurance race. It was similar to how I talk to myself in races and training. I would have supported my mom in this situation regardless of training experience, but the language I was using was different than how I would’ve handled the situation in the past. My advice focused on breaking down overwhelming challenges into manageable pieces, focus only on what you can control, and keep moving forward even when you’re exhausted and don’t want to continue.
Focus on What You Can Control
In training, you can’t control every condition around you. There’s going to be bad weather, your legs don’t feel how you want them to, or you get a flat on the bike in the middle of a ride. You can, however, control your preparation, your effort, and your mindset. My mom was drowning in variables that were out of her control. Every time we talked, I’d break problems down into three sections: preparation, effort, mindset. “Let’s focus on the next 24 hours. What needs to be done by the end of tomorrow?”. Then we’d map out the next steps and ignore the outside factors. At each deadline I would reminder her, “You are in charge of what you let stress you out. Don’t let others decide how you feel”. It was exactly like forcing myself through a brutal training session: you can’t control the pain, but you can control how you respond to it.
Keep Moving Forward
Another endurance lesson I applied to my mom’s situation is recovering on the move. A good example of this lesson is the swim portion of a race. During my race, I had to figure out how to keep pushing forward despite my adrenaline and heart rate spiking in the first five minutes. I was swallowing water, having trouble catching my breath, and wanted to be anywhere besides the river in that moment. As much as I struggled, I knew I had to find a way to recover and finish the swim. I focused on catching my breath, slowing down my swim stroke, and forced myself to focus on the task at hand instead of the finish line. My mom faced similar challenges through her process, such as relentless deadlines and decisions that couldn’t wait. She wanted to “get out of the water”, to not have to face the difficulties in front of her but had no choice but to keep going. I encouraged her to keep moving and act decisively. I told her, “Make the call now. We can be upset about the results later if we need to, but right now you need to keep moving”. It was not about suppressing emotions; it was about timing them. Just like in a race, there’s specific moments to push and moments to recover, but you can never stop.
Confidence Under Pressure
The most powerful lesson from endurance training that I used in this situation was learning to have confidence under pressure. During the run segment of the 70.3, my knee started to give out with three miles left. Quitting was not an option, not after everything I had put into the race. I switched to a run/walk strategy, faked confidence in my posture, and kept pressing forward one step at a time. Forcing confidence through the pain became my advice to my mom. When family members put up resistance, or hurled insults, I reminded her that she is in charge to act in the best interest of her parents. I told her to keep her posture strong, do not play defense answering questions, and even fake some confidence if she had to. By focusing on her purpose, which was getting care for her parents, she was able to reclaim control of the situation and lead. The mindset shift helped her handle conflicts with confidence she did not know she had.
Without endurance training, I don’t think I would have approached this situation with the same clarity. Before signing up for a 70.3 I would often take the easy route. This would show up as skipping workouts, avoiding hard choices, and having low confidence in myself to accomplish goals. Training taught me how to build a confident mindset, and how to break problems down into smaller, manageable pieces. That muscle memory helped me stay level-head for my mom, offering objective guidance instead of emotional reactions. When she needed someone to air-out to, I was there to absorb the chaos, create a plan, and help her move forward with confidence, just as I do when things go wrong in a race.
The events that took place this year deepened our bond. Having support at my races showed me the impact of how showing up for others can fuel someone’s strength. In turn, I was able to show up for my mom when she needed it most, with an endurance mindset of taking one step at a time, controlling what you can, and pushing through discomfort. Together, we learned that hard times in life are about enduring, adapting, and finding strength to take the next step.
Races don’t have truly dire consequences. Yes, it hurts to drop out or fail, but you are still able to learn a lesson and try again. Obstacles in life can be truly dire. Sometimes you don’t have the option to fail. Learn from one to succeed in the other, and you will become unbeatable.